We all know it’s important to teach children to follow rules. As parents, we try to help our kids grow into responsible, caring citizens.
But we also need to teach them which rules not to follow. Some rules are worth challenging.
2 Rules We Should Teach Our Children To Question or Break
Disclaimer: I’m not an expert with degrees or PhDs. I’m a parent who used to be a kid.
1. Rules That Segregate
We should prioritize rules that build community rather than those that divide people. Often these divisive rules are unwritten or accepted without question—described as “the way things are done.”
That kind of “just because” answer rarely satisfies a child. Encourage questions and be prepared to explain why something exists.
Any rule—official or informal—that hurts, segregates, or excludes people because of race, religion, class, gender, or other identity should be challenged. Teach your children to ask why such rules exist and invite them to participate in finding fairer, more inclusive approaches.
Work together on small actions that promote belonging. Model inclusion by showing, not just telling, that all people deserve respect and equal treatment.
2. Rules That Serve No Purpose
Some rules are simply pointless. We all know them, and kids notice them too. These are the kinds of rules that exist because someone long ago decided they should, not because they help anyone.
Well-meaning adults sometimes follow these rules strictly to teach obedience. Other parents recognize the absurdity and quietly ignore them. In many cases, it’s okay to let those rules go.
For example, strict restrictions that prevent taking a child out for an afternoon event over something trivial—like avoiding a classroom treat—often do more harm than good. Choosing to prioritize your child’s experience over a petty rule can teach them you value their feelings and needs.
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About Changing or Breaking Rules
When rules are hurtful, discriminatory, or plainly unreasonable, children need to know that those rules can be questioned and changed. Here are four practical steps to help children understand when breaking a rule might be the right choice:
Tell your children they can come to you to discuss what’s fair and what matters most to them.
Lead by example: show how to be a good citizen and work toward making the world better.
Teach that “some rules are meant to be broken” can apply when breaking a rule helps do the right thing.
Show children that their well-being often matters more than following arbitrary, harmful, or outdated rules.
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About the author — Evelyne is a fearless, quirky, hardworking and funny creative who enjoys soil and wreaths. She writes from personal experience and brings a practical, playful voice to parenting topics.